Hi, I’m Michelle…
I’m grateful to be alive and here with you. I’m a psychiatrist by profession and an artist at heart. Today, I am a survivor from septic shock with a mission to support other septic shock survivors feel less alone as they heal beyond the trauma and emotional grief that accompanies near death. I share my first book, a collection of poems, “A Field of Fire & Flowers,” as a step towards such connection.
I’m also feminine spirit, an empath, an artist, a mother and grandmother with a desire to honestly convey the texture of the spaces between life and death. Hope and doubt. Fear and courage. Here, through poetry, is where life’s heartbreak and beauty converge. Here is where we’re invited to express and name all the unnamable grief that remains trapped in order to make room again to brave love. It is through the artistic process of creating we’re able to birth and rebirth a will to live, love, and reignite hope…
My Story
In 2021, I went into septic shock after a hysterectomy. I was sent to the ICU and placed in a medically-induced coma for two weeks. My body experienced multi-organ failure and my heart stopped three times. Friends and family vigilantly remained by my side praying and holding hope the entire time. Weeks later I miraculously woke up. Though survival remained touch and go, teams of doctors and nurses triply worked on keeping me alive.
I remained in the hospital for eight weeks for monitoring and intense physical and occupational therapies. Once released, recovery was slow and painful for the following three years. I experienced a myriad of emotional setbacks and added physical health complications of both hip and back surgery.
Throughout my emotional and health struggles, I lost my once closely-held faith, was fraught by spiritual yearning, and sought to reclaim my once solid ground of who I once was yet no longer recognized beyond my shattered life.
I looked towards what I knew best and understood: Art. Throughout my life painting, writing and collage work have provided comfort. They’ve helped make meaning of lived experience and spiritual communion. I knew that writing about my life and death experience would heal my broken heart.
I searched for and discovered Janna Lopez, a revered writing teacher in Santa Fe, New Mexico who specializes in expressive writing. Janna encouraged me to explore poetry as a way to process all the intense residual grief trapped inside.
Our writing sessions remained an anchor for my broken heart and bodily healing over the next few years. I believe they helped save my life; my poems released pain; offered new hope, and ignited an inner-strength to fight for my life. Through Janna’s unique applied writing methods, I was able to grapple with and release deep human experiences of love, loss, God, meaning, death, hope, compassion and Self-connection. It is from our writing sessions and poetry work I created this raw emotional collection, “A Field of Fire & Flowers.”
The title speaks to life’s beauty and heartbreak. The gentle and dangerous nature of human experiences. It’s also meant to invoke that though sometimes things may burn to the ground, new life can and does birth. Included in this collection are some of may paintings and collages which also express themes of love, loss and Self-discovery. No matter what you’ve been through and have survived, I hope my words offer comfort along your journey.
